Co-dependency & Narcissism
The relationship between a
codependent and a narcissist
is challenging!
Codependency definition: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.
Narcissism definition: self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of a mental disorder.
(New Oxford American Dictionary)
Traits of Codependency:
often highly sensitive
gives
people pleaser
defers self-care for others
low self-esteem
Traits of narcissism:
lacks empathy
takes
inflated sense of self-importance
sense of entitlement
The attraction between someone with codependent tendencies and someone with narcissistic tendencies can ignite short-lived 'fireworks' but morphs into a problematic union.
Co-dependency and narcissism have something in common:
They both lack a sense of self.
Both personality types need to feel needed.
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The narcissist needs validation through praise and unwavering support.
The codependent needs validation in the way of feeling needed.
Hiding beneath their inadequate sense of self is a deep feeling of insecurity. The two sets of needs are different but click together like missing puzzle pieces.
In both the codependent and the narcissist, the fundamental problem is boundaries. The narcissist confidently invades boundaries, and the codependent is timid about setting and defending healthy boundaries.
In summary, illuminating what a codependent and a narcissist have in common is the thing that attracts them, but the giver-and-taker relationship is unhealthy for all involved.
Can therapy help?
Therapy requires introspection. Narcissists defend against looking into themselves; therefore, utilizing therapy to heal the relationship can be frustrating for their partner.
However, research shows that someone with high narcissistic tendencies can temporarily modify their behaviors to get what they need - a continued source of supply of praise and validation.
For the codependent in a relationship with a narcissist, individual therapy can help create change to prevent pairing up with another narcissist; however, if it's impossible to get out of the narcissist relationship, a therapist specializing in healing narcissistic abuse can provide coping strategies and support.
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I hope this helps you understand codependency and narcissism. If you are looking for a therapist in California, Florida, or New Mexico, please click HERE for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and see if we are a good match so I can help you recover from a narcissistic relationship. Read more about how I can help here.
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